Oh Boy!

Okay, what do you do when you have a writing assignment staring you in the face, but you just can't get motivated? I know! Post on the blog you have neglected for so long, that's what!

It looks like it has been two months since I posted on my blog. At least I have a good reason. I have been writing for money and that's always good.

My mother recovered from her illness, briefly, but is now suffering again. It looks like it may be time to think about moving her to some kind of assisted living facility. She will not be happy and will likely have to give up her cat. None of us wants to make this decision, but we may be forced to make it.

The leaves were still on the trees when I last wrote. Now I look out and see 2' of snow on the ground. At least it looks like Christmas now.

Parents

Most of us go through a good part of our lives thinking our parents are always going to be with us. Or, maybe, it's not that as much as it is an inability to think of them not being there. There are two reasons for that. The first, of course, is that we love them and can't bear to think of losing them. The other is that nagging realization that, after our parents are gone, we are next in line to complete the circle of life. Time seems to have gone by at warp speed and our own mortality is staring us in the face.

After Dad died, both of those feelings hit pretty hard. But, Mom was still here. Always the healthier of the two and five years older than Dad, she had ups and downs with her health, but has been living in her own apartment and taking care of herself. Now, however, she is in the hospital suffering from what could be the beginning of the end. It's a strange feeling to think I will be "parent-less" after we lose Mom. How can I, a 54 year old woman, feel abandoned? It is a bit unnerving.

There is, of course, the fact that I need more time with Mom. Old hurts and misunderstandings don't seem as important now. I hope we get the chance to talk again. I don't want her to suffer or live the rest of her life hooked up to machines. She doesn't want that, either. None of her kids is selfish enough to prolong her life by artificial means because we can't say goodbye. If she is strong enough to recover and live a useful life for awhile longer, though, the time we have will be precious.

The Dances of Leaves

Every day, weather permitting, my dog, Libby, and I take a walk down Eureka Road. Surrounded by trees, there are no sidewalks so we walk along the side, waving at drivers as they pass. We often see deer, sometimes with a fawn or two, cottontail rabbits, and squirrels on our daily jaunts. If we are very quiet, we see possums and wild turkeys.

Last week, Libby and I stopped at the spot where I let her take time to sniff around and explore. I think this is Libby's favorite time. Imagine all the scents you could experience if your nose was as close to the ground!

There was no wind, the trees were still. Still, that is, except for three little leaves hanging from a branch directly over my head. These leaves were dancing! None of the other leaves were moving, just these three. Spinning, moving in circles, arching, and stretching, the leaves seemed happy to be alive. Scientists, I am sure, have an explanation for why three leaves among many were the only ones to move in such a way. I believe, however, that the leaves felt the coming of fall and knew their time would come to an end. They decided to dance while they could.

A Spider In the Hand...

I had a routine doctor visit this morning. Checking all those "numbers" because I am over 50 now and they must be checked!

In the examining room, the nurse did her usual thing - taking blood pressure, writing down my weight, checking my medication records. She finished and said the doctor would be right in.

As I waited, I looked around the room. Lots of scuff marks on the walls suggested it was time for some new paint. All in all, it was your usual examining room - cold and impersonal.

But, what's that in the corner? Squinting my eyes and looking hard merely confirmed what I already knew. It was a spider. Not a tiny, little spider, but a giant with legs that went from here to there. Spiders give me the creepy crawlies, but I don't kill them outright like some people do. They provide a much needed service in spite of their looks. At home, I am frequently called to come and rescue my husband from a spider. I catch it in my trusty bug jar and take it outside for my version of catch and release. I didn't think the people at the clinic would be as accommodating. I kept my mouth shut.

The spider got at least a few more minutes of life because I didn't tell on it. I am sure it won't last long there, but I did what I could.

Rockin' Down the Road

I saw a muddy, weather-worn Jeep Wrangler today. That brought back lots of memories.

My husband and I were in our late 20s when we left the midwest for Salt Lake City in a rag-top Jeep CJ. Utah had one big draw for us. It wasn't the Mormons. It was the mountains.

Nearly every weekend, we'd pack the Jeep full of food, firewood, a tent, sleeping bags, dogs, and extra gas and take the four hour drive south to canyon country. That Jeep took us through streams, went up and down cliffs and navigated rocks until late in the day when we would find a good spot to camp. It sat nearby while we built a campfire, talked, ate, and enjoyed the rugged beauty of those red cliffs. Once we heard the clickety clack of hooves coming from the nearby cliff wall. Two deer were running down the sheer side without missing a beat, sure-footed and graceful.

Sitting in a Jeep going down a rocky road on the side of a cliff doesn't sound as much fun to me these days. Sleeping in a tent is not at all fun anymore. Give me my camper, thank you. But, when we were young, before our backs started to hurt, sitting in that CJ exploring Canyonlands was pure heaven.

Nothing is Ever Simple

Our camping trailer has needed new tires for awhile now. Because we like to do most of our camping in the fall when it is less crowded and the weather more comfortable, we decided we should get new tires soon, so we can be ready. My husband made calls and found the best tire deal in a small town about 17 miles away. I looked forward to a nice drive through the country on the way to the tire store. I wasn't disappointed. It was a sunny day and we drove down country roads with farms tucked away in rolling tree-covered hills.

We got to the tire store and the guys jumped right on the job. We were in and out in 10 minutes. The new tires were placed in the back of the pickup and off we drove. We went to the little downtown area and had breakfast at the Old Tyme Cafe. Feeling relaxed and satisfied, we drove home. We got out of the truck at home and actually looked at the new tires for the first time. They were the wrong ones! Silly us! We should have looked at the tires while we were still at the tire store. Or, when we walked right past them to get to the Cafe. Back we drove. The tire store didn't have the tires we needed. We got our money back and drove home without tires.

My husband was angry. I wasn't. I enjoyed the trip both times and, while we didn't get the tires, there are other tire stores. I figure if something happens that in 10 years won't be remembered as a life changer, it is just not that important. May as well enjoy the ride.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

Over the course of the years, I have learned there are times when keeping one's mouth shut is absolutely essential.

For example, I have learned to always clamp my mouth tightly shut before doing any of the following:

1) Filling the bird feeder.
2) Feeding the cats.
3) Cleaning the litter box.
4) Giving the cat or dog its medicine.
5) Painting the ceiling.
6) Changing a diaper.
7) Watching Canadian geese fly over head.
8) Planting the garden.

It is much easier to wash hands than it is to wash a mouth out. And a lot less distasteful.

The Ways of Middle Age

Now that I am in the midst of middle age, it's interesting to look around at friends and family to see how they are dealing with getting older.

I have always kind of taken it in stride, joking that I can't wait to get those senior discounts. I do wonder how in the world I got to be this age so fast, but if I can't do anything about it, I may as well enjoy the benefits. I have noticed that some people just don't see it that way.

A few of my women friends have gone into middle age kicking and screaming. Literally. Pass the Botox, please. Really, is injecting a deadly toxin into your skin the way to stave off middle age? I just love those mouths and eyes that no longer move, too.

Some women get facelift after facelift. You can always tell because their eyes and mouths have a definite upward slant.

Men seem to have their own particular ways of keeping the years away. The hair "combover" is a common one. So is the "I haven't ridden a motorcycle for 20 years. I think I will do it again now." After the ride, it takes them two days to walk without looking bow-legged.

When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the young woman I once was. But, I am the woman who has lived, cried, and laughed. I have the laugh lines and crow's feet to prove it.

Spring Comes to Eureka Road

Birds are everywhere. I saw an Eastern Bluebird on Saturday. First time I have seen one. The trees are getting ready to leaf out. It's warm.

I always enjoy the first months of winter. The nesting, feeling warm and snug in front of a fire, watching TV wrapped in throws and blankets surrounded by the glow of flickering candles. After Christmas, however, I have had enough. Nothing to look forward to other than gray skies and more piles of snow. There's something about every little sign of spring that brings back a sense of well-being. The truth is that I love all the seasons, but none are more welcome than spring.